Moonflowers

It has been a difficult week little man. Really missing you. Remember the time we were in JoAnn's and I put that wig/witch hat on you? You looked so cute!! I went and picked out your Halloween decorations for this year. I wish I was picking out your costume instead. I wonder what you would want to be....
My job now is caring for people who have the same challenges that you had. They are grown up now though. I love going to work because I truly feel like I am caring for you all grown up. I treat them the way I know I would have wanted you to be treated. It helps me deal with you not being here most of the time. Not so much this week. This week my throat hurts from holding back tears. I can usually tell your story without crying but not this week. Why I wonder? I don't really know. Tomorrow I am going to take your decorations to you, maybe I will feel better after that. I doubt it, but maybe. I miss you precious boy. More that words can say I miss you.
 I was talking to a dear, dear friend tonight on line explaining why moonflowers are your flower. Because they start over every single night, a fresh start. A new life almost. Maybe it is wishful thinking for me. I keep hoping that when I wake up in the morning this will have all just been a really bad dream.