Here comes that day, I have been dreading it so much! Isn't it strange, when your child is here and you are watching them grow you are so anxious for those milestones. The first smile, the first tooth, first word, crawling, walking and so on. We almost rush them through to the next one because we are so excited to watch them grow! Birthdays are a time of joy, celebration! Look at my child! He is walking, talking and growing so much! Celebrate with me!
This year we won't be watching him on his birthday. This year, we will be at his graveside, thinking about what could have been. It won't be a joyous occasion, but a heartwrenching reminder of our beautiful boy who we can never hold again, never will see him smile or hear him laugh, never watch him try to crawl to us. The sorrow is tremendous and all encompassing, almost like we are starting over again from day 1. "Try to think about the happy times" I tell myself. "Try to think about the fact that now he isn't having seizures, that he is running and talking and playing with his friends and great-grandparents getting spoiled. He can eat whatever he wants." And I do think of those things and I am happy for him, but I am SO SAD for us!
We knew this day would come and tried to prepare for it. We will celebrate privately at the cemetary and then comes the golf tournament where hopefully we stay very busy and share the good memories with all the awesome golfers who come to celebrate with us by supporting his foundation.
Sometimes, when the pain seems to flood through me and I wonder if I will really make it through this, I have to stop and think about all of the parents like us, who are going through the same pain. I think of the parents who might be going through this horrible experience tomorrow or next week. I think about the fact that if I don't make it through this day, how can I help them make it through the same day when that time comes for them? I have to pull it together so I can be there for them because I KNOW that if it weren't for all of the wonderful people who have been there for me, I wouldn't have made it this far.
Yes, I am DREADING Sunday. But whether or not I stay in bed and cry all day or get out there and do what I can to help other people, Sunday is going to come. So, I will go see our precious angel and wish him a Happy 3rd Birthday, tell him what we are doing to celebrate his short and wonderful life, and then go to Seeley and work on our dream to help other people who are hurting.
Someday, the hurt won't be so sharp. Someday, I will be able to go to him on his birthday and I won't cry, or maybe not so much. Someday, I will run up to those pearly gates and he will be there, jumping up and down, saying "hurry up Nana! I have been waiting for you!" and I will be able to hug him and kiss him again. Until that day, we just keep taking it one day at a time.
Happy Birthday Mason Kane! We miss you more than you will ever know.
This year we won't be watching him on his birthday. This year, we will be at his graveside, thinking about what could have been. It won't be a joyous occasion, but a heartwrenching reminder of our beautiful boy who we can never hold again, never will see him smile or hear him laugh, never watch him try to crawl to us. The sorrow is tremendous and all encompassing, almost like we are starting over again from day 1. "Try to think about the happy times" I tell myself. "Try to think about the fact that now he isn't having seizures, that he is running and talking and playing with his friends and great-grandparents getting spoiled. He can eat whatever he wants." And I do think of those things and I am happy for him, but I am SO SAD for us!
We knew this day would come and tried to prepare for it. We will celebrate privately at the cemetary and then comes the golf tournament where hopefully we stay very busy and share the good memories with all the awesome golfers who come to celebrate with us by supporting his foundation.
Sometimes, when the pain seems to flood through me and I wonder if I will really make it through this, I have to stop and think about all of the parents like us, who are going through the same pain. I think of the parents who might be going through this horrible experience tomorrow or next week. I think about the fact that if I don't make it through this day, how can I help them make it through the same day when that time comes for them? I have to pull it together so I can be there for them because I KNOW that if it weren't for all of the wonderful people who have been there for me, I wouldn't have made it this far.
Yes, I am DREADING Sunday. But whether or not I stay in bed and cry all day or get out there and do what I can to help other people, Sunday is going to come. So, I will go see our precious angel and wish him a Happy 3rd Birthday, tell him what we are doing to celebrate his short and wonderful life, and then go to Seeley and work on our dream to help other people who are hurting.
Someday, the hurt won't be so sharp. Someday, I will be able to go to him on his birthday and I won't cry, or maybe not so much. Someday, I will run up to those pearly gates and he will be there, jumping up and down, saying "hurry up Nana! I have been waiting for you!" and I will be able to hug him and kiss him again. Until that day, we just keep taking it one day at a time.
Happy Birthday Mason Kane! We miss you more than you will ever know.
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