Last month we received a grant from the Dennis and Phyllis Washington Foundation. As I look back on it I realize just how blessed we are. Our funds were LOW, very low. I was (am) planning a fundraiser for April but had 3 months to get through in the meantime. There is nothing worse for me than to have a request for help and have to respond with " I don't have any money right now, can you wait a few months?" Sometimes waiting isn't an option. Since receiving that grant we have helped 5 families. I feel so grateful that God knew the right time to send us a helping hand. Why did I doubt him?
I think we tend to do that in times of stress and sadness. When we are feeling alone and missing our angels it is easy to question why he chose to take our children. Why MY child? What did I do to deserve this? Was I not being a good enough mother? I thought I was doing a good job but maybe more patience was needed. Was that it? No matter how much we question the reason our child grew his wings, we will never really know. Would it really matter anyway? I don't think that ANY reason would be good enough for me. The fact of it is, Mason is in heaven running, talking, doing sommersaults and LAUGHING. He is looking down on us wondering why we are so sad since he is the happiest he has ever been. The things he does now he would never have been able to do had he stayed and as much as I would have done to keep him here with me, God is doing even more for him now. I don't like it. I really hate it. I am a selfish person because I would rather have him here with me in his wheelchair than up there and running. Maybe that is why we don't get the choice. We can't see past our love. I miss you so very much baby boy. Someday we will be doing sommersaults together.
I think we tend to do that in times of stress and sadness. When we are feeling alone and missing our angels it is easy to question why he chose to take our children. Why MY child? What did I do to deserve this? Was I not being a good enough mother? I thought I was doing a good job but maybe more patience was needed. Was that it? No matter how much we question the reason our child grew his wings, we will never really know. Would it really matter anyway? I don't think that ANY reason would be good enough for me. The fact of it is, Mason is in heaven running, talking, doing sommersaults and LAUGHING. He is looking down on us wondering why we are so sad since he is the happiest he has ever been. The things he does now he would never have been able to do had he stayed and as much as I would have done to keep him here with me, God is doing even more for him now. I don't like it. I really hate it. I am a selfish person because I would rather have him here with me in his wheelchair than up there and running. Maybe that is why we don't get the choice. We can't see past our love. I miss you so very much baby boy. Someday we will be doing sommersaults together.
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