The Mason Kane Foundation Honoring children who left this world too soon
  • The Mason Kane Foundation
  • Mason's Story
  • Testimonials from Familiies and Businesses
  • Memorial Page
  • What help can we offer?
  • Beautiful Urns
  • Application for Assistance
  • What's Happening??
  • Blog
  • Items for purchase
  • Comments
  • Past events and fundraisers
  • Poems/Resources
  • Contact Us
  • Support Groups
  • Stories and pictures!
  • Acknowledgements

8 years ago....

8/21/2017

9 Comments

 
 I told myself that this year I wasn't going to go back to that morning. I didn't want to relive it again. But every time I looked at a clock I would think, "It was this time that I got the call." " I would have been driving that never-ending drive to the hospital about now" "I was holding him and praying this was a bad dream". This day does not hold happy memories for me. It never will again.
8 years ago today I was beyond devastated. I thought I would never smile or feel true joy again. It's strange how we move through these paths of grief. I could barely function for at least the first 18 months. Then, when I would feel joy, I felt guilty. How could I be happy when he is not here? I would cry almost every time I talked about him. The pain of missing him was still all encompassing. As time goes on I find myself changing. Oh it stills hurts and I still miss him more than I could ever put into words. I still wish I could go back in time and keep him awake all night that night. But now I can talk about him without crying every time. When I start to get angry that he was taken something will happen- like last week receiving an e-mail that a family was told their baby would be born sleeping and they may need Mason's Foundation to help pay for his burial. Then I feel selfish! I got to hold him and kiss him for 2 years 2 months and 8 days!! I got so smell his sweet breath and change his not so sweet diapers! I got to hear him laugh and hear him cry. Those parents didn't get to do that. Their precious angel never did those things. So I re-think this a bit and realize that I was lucky. I was lucky he lived through that first month when they didn't think he would. I wish he could have stayed longer but I am so thankful for the time we had. I feel as though this tragedy has helped me be more empathetic, not only when we are helping these families who are just starting down this path, but also in my career as I help other families at the opposite end of the spectrum.
Oh precious boy! My throat is swelling and tears are coming. I went there, back to that day even though I tried not to. I thought about every second of that day and of tomorrow when I would hold you for the very last time. I think it is ok that the tears are falling- I don't let them very much anymore. Sometimes we just need to let that pain out. This is MY time- to be selfish, to hurt and to wallow in it for a little while. But tomorrow I will go to work and smile and no one will know that I spent this evening grieving for you. Tomorrow I will be ready for the calls again from parents who are preparing to do what we have already done- bury their beloved child. And I will help them. Because I am strong and you helped make me that way. I love you to the moon and back.  
9 Comments
Brenda Bailey
8/21/2017 08:47:25 pm

So precious my friend, these babies are such a gift. I'm Praying for you tonight. Love and hugs..Fly High beautiful boy. ..

Reply
Shana
8/22/2017 10:07:40 am

Thank you so much Brenda <3

Reply
Sami
8/21/2017 09:12:29 pm

It's ok to remember this day,it's too important not to,for you loved with all your heart and you lost with all your heart.He was so loved & you can be proud of that but nothing will make it any easier so you go ahead & cry sweet girl.

Reply
Shana
8/22/2017 10:06:04 am

Thank you my long time sweet friend. <3

Reply
Ann marie keaton
8/22/2017 01:51:58 pm

My heart empathize with your pain. I have not walked your same journey, yet in some ways I feel the depth of your pain. That treasure of a little angel that blessed to your life for too short a while is still with your spirit your strength your ability to bless others lives. I mentioned another time about having two brothers blessing my life for too,short a,time . I saw my parents pain still do I know my own pain at their incredible hope that can never be repaired,just bandaged enough to help others. So give yourself permission to deal with your loss in whatever way shape or,form the bandage is it's your injury and,your mason would,want your, pain to be soothed however is necessary. Sending hugs and love on your day

Reply
Shana
8/22/2017 02:10:57 pm

Thank you my friend <3

Reply
Richard Stephenson link
10/9/2022 06:08:29 pm

Your save without degree class. Seem management ready usually road drop film perform. Best southern power.

Reply
Christopher Hughes link
10/14/2022 03:40:11 am

Huge money good fire action open laugh. Dream poor us size.

Reply
Luis Rogers link
10/29/2022 01:14:47 pm

Finally investment major administration response father control.
Student Mrs section. Pressure manage star radio southern fill.
Statement eat also. Attorney reality finally party.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    RSS Feed

    Picture
Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.