7 years....

7 years. 7 years ago I held you and prayed that I was having a nightmare and would wake up. But I didn't. I prayed I would see your chest rise and fall and that they had made a mistake, but it didn't. At that moment I truly thought my life was over, I almost wished it was. Today I told myself not to relive that moment, that day. I told myself not to open myself up to feel that pain again but it comes anyway. I wouldn't wish that pain on my worst enemy. 7 years ago. Now I try to think of it as this: 7 years ago you learned to walk. You learned to run and do summersaults. You learned to talk and sing. You sat on Jesus lap for the first time. You looked down and wished that we weren't so sad because you are so happy. I still miss you. It still hurts-some days are still almost unbearable. Other days I can remember the funny things you did and smile. Would I rather you were here with us? Selfishly, yes I sure would! I would even trade places with you if I could. But I can't. So look down on us today while we take you some flowers and a toy and wrap us in your love because we need it. That is all we can do now, take flowers and a toy to your grave that we think you might have liked if you were 9 years old and here with us. Silly? Some people probably think so. But if it helps bring us a little comfort, makes us feel a little closer to you if even for a little while, then I will be silly. I loved you more than you will ever know and still do. I can't wait for the day that I will see you again and hold you close. Run in peace my sweet little man!!