10:00 am, one year ago today, my phone rang. My life will never be the same. There is no way to describe the pain I felt that day, and have felt everyday since then. We should be able to watch our children grow up, we should NOT have to visit their grave. Life can be confusing. There are not always answers for our questions~ Why? What could I have done differently? What if I had checked on him sooner? Even if there were answers it wouldn't change the fact that I will never see those beautiful eyes or those long eyelashes laying on his cheeks when he's sleeping, I will never hear his laughter, I will never see that adorable "boo lip", my arms are empty and my heart is broken and nothing can fix it. All that is left are memories and pictures, and precious as those are, they cannot replace him.
Today is a bad day. I have to remember that I do have good days too but not today. That day replays in my mind over and over and the pain is fresh again. Tomorrow will be a new day, a new start again, and hopefully it will be better. But for today, we will take our angel white roses and let this feeling run through us while we grieve our loss and celebrate his life.
I CAN make it through today, I made it through the last year. It wasn't easy and I sometimes feel like just giving up but Mason was so full of life and now it is my job to keep his memory just as full.
So, tomorrow I will be back to work to help all of those other parents who are just beginning on this terrible journey. Maybe they will find a little bit of comfort in knowing that I made it through this year and they will too even though it may not feel like it right now.
Mason, precious angel, I love you so. I look at the stars every night and think of you and I love it when you throw a star down to me to say hello. I miss you more than you will ever know and can't wait until the day we meet again and I can hold you and kiss you like I used to. You run fast my boy!! You do sommersaults and keep practicing so you can show me when I get there!! Never forget just how much you are loved. xoxo
Today is a bad day. I have to remember that I do have good days too but not today. That day replays in my mind over and over and the pain is fresh again. Tomorrow will be a new day, a new start again, and hopefully it will be better. But for today, we will take our angel white roses and let this feeling run through us while we grieve our loss and celebrate his life.
I CAN make it through today, I made it through the last year. It wasn't easy and I sometimes feel like just giving up but Mason was so full of life and now it is my job to keep his memory just as full.
So, tomorrow I will be back to work to help all of those other parents who are just beginning on this terrible journey. Maybe they will find a little bit of comfort in knowing that I made it through this year and they will too even though it may not feel like it right now.
Mason, precious angel, I love you so. I look at the stars every night and think of you and I love it when you throw a star down to me to say hello. I miss you more than you will ever know and can't wait until the day we meet again and I can hold you and kiss you like I used to. You run fast my boy!! You do sommersaults and keep practicing so you can show me when I get there!! Never forget just how much you are loved. xoxo
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