I was watching a program the other day and someone said, "Be thankful for every minute of every day. " What a wonderful peice of advice! You know, every night we go to bed and if you are old like me you just feel that relief of being able to lay there and rest. Hopefully, you will wake up to the alarm, get a cup of coffee, get the kids off to school and head for work. Most of us make it there fine and go on with our day. But what about that person who doesn't make it to work? Or the one who gets a call before the alarm goes off telling them that a loved one has passed? When we go to bed or get up or even walk into the next room we don't have any idea what could happen in the next few minutes. Something that could change our entire outlook on life could happen at ANY time. It could be great! Maybe you find out you will be a grandma or mother, maybe you won the lottery or maybe it will be devastating news...who knows? The point is this, be THANKFUL for EVERY minute of EVERY day. We are so very lucky to be here and be healthy, to have our loved ones close and know that the loved ones who aren't close are safe. We are blessed to have a God who loves us more than life itself and know that someday we will be able to meet him and see our loved ones who have passed again! Live your life for today, learn from yesterday and look forward to tomorrow. Once a day is gone you can't take that time back so make the most of it!  I will never forget the day that my best friend and I went to pick out Mason's urn. We wanted to make our own and wanted it to be special so we went to Ross and were looking at the boxes there. I was certainly not in the mood to be friendly, and definitely wasn't smiling. When we left the store we were talking and both decided that we would never again judge someone we see somewhere just because they look grumpy or didn't smile back at us. For all we know they may be shopping for an urn for their child! All we can do is try to be the best we can be all the time and hope we somehow make a difference to someone who might need it.

Last month we received a grant from the Dennis and Phyllis Washington Foundation. As I look back on it I realize just how blessed we are. Our funds were LOW, very low. I was (am) planning a fundraiser for April but had 3 months to get through in the meantime. There is nothing worse for me than to have a request for help and have to respond with " I don't have any money right now, can you wait a few months?"  Sometimes waiting isn't an option. Since receiving that grant we have helped 5 families. I feel so grateful that God knew the right time to send us a helping hand. Why did I doubt him?
I think we tend to do that in times of stress and sadness. When we are feeling alone and missing our angels it is easy to question why he chose to take our children. Why MY child? What did I do to deserve this? Was I not being a good enough mother? I thought I was doing a good job but maybe more patience was needed. Was that it? No matter how much we question the reason our child grew his wings, we will never really know. Would it really matter anyway? I don't think that ANY reason would be good enough for me. The fact of it is, Mason is in heaven running, talking, doing sommersaults and LAUGHING. He is looking down on us wondering why we are so sad since he is the happiest he has ever been. The things he does now he would never have been able to do had he stayed and as much as I would have done to keep him here with me, God is doing even more for him now. I don't like it. I really hate it. I am a selfish person because I would rather have him here with me in his wheelchair than up there and running. Maybe that is why we don't get the choice. We can't see past our love. I miss you so very much baby boy. Someday we will be doing sommersaults together.

It's almost here! Christmas is looming near and the children are all counting down the days, even the older ones! I was thinking about Mason and trying to picture him as he would be now, wondering what he would be doing and saying. That is a tough one because we really couldn't predict that very well. I know that up in heaven he is saying and doing all the things he should be at 4 years old! That lead my thoughts to Mother Mary and as I sat here missing Mason and, well, essentially feeling sorry for myself, I thought about how SHE must have felt when her son died. How heartwrenching to see him suffer and not be able to comfort him. I think that she must have been a very strong woman to go through all that she did and give up her son for us. We should remember her too on the day of his birth, this amazing woman who gave birth to our saviour and loved him-her baby, her child- and then had to stand back and watch him die. She did have one glorious moment that I have yet to experience and that would be seeing that child again whole and happy. But my day will come and then I will get to see them both!
Merry Christmas Mason, I hung your ornaments like I do every year. Papa is taking your tree to you tomorrow and we got you another light. Look down and see how pretty your spot is! We miss you so very much baby boy! XOXO Nana